It was just another day. Plain and simple. The pursuit team, formed by
Miss Parker, Sydney and Broots, continued to follow breadcrumb after breadcrumb, lead after lead. All
in the hope, the ever so lasting hope, of catching their prey, the multi-faceted, multi-talented Jarod. They chase, he runs,
they chase, he runs.
Yes, like I said, it was just another day. Or so it seemed.
Apparently everything was exactly the same. But today, there was something
different. They didn’t know what it was (and I’m not the one who’s gonna tell them; they can forget about
that), ‘cause they haven’t seen it yet, but they all felt like something was about to happen. And when they arrived
at a small village in the center of nowhere, presumably to be Jarod’s last known spot, they got that answer.
Or maybe it was just a confirmation that their inner hunches were right.
Or maybe... I don’t know. What am I? The Keeper of all Secrets? Go read an Encyclopedia! See if I care!
Calm down... It’s just a story. Breathe...
Okay. I’m better now.
So, they were in the village and they decided to have a look around.
It wasn’t that long before they realized that everyone there was bald. There was not a single hair on their bodies.
Men, women, children, they all look like copies of Broots and Mr. Raines.
“Oh, my God! Broots, they all look like you.”
Hey! I’ve just said that!
“C’mon Syd! I’m not that bald.”
“Yet. Come on, let’s go catch Jarod.”
“Why are you always like this?”
“It’s not my fault. It’s how this fanfic author write
Miss Parker and Sydney started to walk. Broots was about to follow, when
he looked to his left and saw a familiar face.
“Look, Miss Parker, there’s your dad.”
She walked to him. There was fire in her eyes. Metaphorically speaking,
“That’s better. Where is he?”
He pointed to a man (bald, of course) next to a phone booth.
She hit him in the head.
“That’s not my dad, you moron! It’s just a look-a-like.”
“But, he looks just like him.”
“Take around you. In case you haven’t noticed, everyone here
looks exactly the same.”
“I know that. But he really looked like––”
“Shove it! We don’t have time for this silly babbling.”
“Now, there’s something I’d never thought to hear you
say. Except, perhaps, on a fanfiction.”
“Spare me, Syd. I’m not in the mood.”
“That’s more like it.”
“Come on, let’s go catch Jarod.”
“Why are you always like this?”
“It’s not my fault. It’s how thi... Wait a minute!
Didn’t we do this already?”
“I think so.”
“This story is just pure nonsense. Let’s go.”
They were about to go on their way, when Mr. Raines look-a-like approached
They were instantly stunned. It was like they all got slapped in the
face. Only without the physical pain. Just the surprise of... It’s a bad metaphor, forget it.
“Hey. You look just like Mr. Raines. Only much much much much much
much much much much much much much much much much much much much much much much much much much much much much much much much
much much much much much much much much much much much nicer.”
“And taller too.”
Hey, people! We have a story to do here, remember?
“That’s because I am Mr. Raines. I’m doing another
“Oh, that’s nice.”
“What about your height?”
“It’s my shoes. They make me look taller.”
“You’re wearing women’s shoes?”
“They hurt a bit but, a man’s gotta make a living.”
“Yeah, I know how that’s like.”
Is that directed to me?
“I have to go now. This place gives me the creeps.”
Go on then.
“Okay then. Have fun with your story.”
“Oh, I will. I think I’m gonna kill you there.”
“No, not again. I’m sick of being killed.”
“Yeah, it sucks to die, doesn’t it?”
“I’ll see you next time.”
They watched Mr. Raines walk away and then went on their way.
After a while, they found a woman. Not the woman, just a woman.
“Hi. We’re looking for a man named Jarod.”
“Jarod? Oh, right! You musht be Mish Parker.”
“What gave it away?”
I don’t need to tell that this was one of her legendary remarks,
“And you musht be Shydney and you’re Brootsh.
“Well, actually, I’m Broots.”
“If you’re Brootsh, who are you?”
“Of courshe you are, dear.”
“Look, we don’t have much time. Do you know where Jarod is
“Jarod’s left. But he did us all a big favor. He shaved us.”
“He shaved us.”
“What? You had like a crime lord in town and Jarod saved you from
him, was that it?”
“No, no, no. Not shave... shave.”
“I’m sorry. I’m confused.”
“I’m a shrink, not a phonetic dictionary.”
Is there such a thing or am I just making it up?
“What I mean is we ran out of scissors and our hairs were so long
we’re stumbling on them. And Jarod came, opened a barbershop and he shaved us all.”
“He... uh... did a very nice job.”
“How could you possibly have ran out of scissors?”
“I don’t know. We just did.”
“Why didn’t you use razors or knives.”
“Trick question. Guess we didn’t remember that at the time.”
“You’ve been a great help. Now, where can we find this barbershop
“It’s just around the corner, my dear.”
“Let’s move, people.”
And so they went. And, like every other time, they found nothing. Except
a small red notebook and a note, which read.
Shorry, you’ve mished me.
“We already knew that.”
“Then why didn’t you tell me?”
“We couldn’t. He didn’t write it like that.”
“Damn this writer! Let’s go!”
They decided to resume the chase and leave “Baldsville” behind.
Lousy bastards! Next time I’ll put them next to the penguins!