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INT.
PRISON. DAY
THIS IS THE PLACE WHERE WE LAST SAW JERRY. AS WE’VE SEEN BEFORE, HE’S DOING
HIS BIT TO REST OF THE PRISONERS. CALL IT THERAPHY TO KEEP THEM QUIET OR MAYBE THEY ACTUALLY LIKE IT.
JERRY
I was told about
a man inside this prison who was convicted for killing fifty people. Fifty people! That’s a little harsh, don’t
you think? Now, the odd part about this story isn’t the killing, which I’m sure some of you are very fond of,
but the sentence. This man, believe it or not, was sentenced to the equivalent of three life sentences. How does that work?
Do they wait for him to die and then try to resurrect him? Do they kill him partially? Do they use negligence in order to
keep him half-alive? I may seem skeptical about this but, what if he decides to die definitely? That sure would take a few
hobbies away from his incarcerators, wouldn’t it?
The show is interrupted by two guards that drag Jerry away from the starlight.
Ext. court yard. DAY
JERRY and george are sitting on a bench. they’re staring at the
other prisoners, thinking about nothing (which is to be considered a great achievement). inevitably, george breaks the moment.
GEORGE
Y’know, this isn’t really that bad.
JERRY
What?
GEORGE
This. All this. This life. I don’t have to do anything. I don’t have to
worry about getting a job. It’s what I always wanted!
Jerry
That’s great because I don’t remember you doing that before you came here.
George
Me neither.
Jerry
Kramer feels just like home.
George
Hey! Where is Kramer anyway? I haven’t seen him all week.
Jerry
From what I heard, he’s working at the infirmary.
George
What’s he doing there?
Jerry
They think the patients need a little rest.
George
So, why did they put him there in the first place?
Jerry
I don’t know. Maybe it’s because if they didn’t, the patients wouldn’t
have any excuse to rest, right?
GEORGE
(THINKS)
I guess...
Int. Women’s bathroom.
Day
WE’RE IN THE SHOWERS SECTION. THE
STEAM DOESN’T LET US SEE ANYTHING BUT A BOTTLE OF SHAMPOO ON A WOODEN SHELF. WE SEE A HAND REACHING FOR THE BOTTLE.
JUST WHEN IT’S ABOUT TO GRAB IT, ANOTHER HAND GRABS THE FIRST HAND.
ELAINE LOOKS IN DISGUST AS
THE FIGURE OF ‘DOG-FACED’ JEAN COMES OUT OF THE FOG, WRAPPED UP IN A TOWEL. SHE’S TALL (LIKE KRAMER) AND
HAS A VERY, VERY UGLY BODY. NO DOUBT THE KIND OF PERSON THAT CAN CONFIRM THE EXISTENCE OF ANATOMICALLY INCORRECTNESS. She
has a scar on her left cheek and speaks with an italian accent.
‘DOG-FACED’ JEAN
What’re you doing here, Benice?
Elaine
I... I... I... just came to get some shampoo.
‘DOG-FACED’ JEAN
Just came to get some shampoo?!
Elaine
Yeah. I needed some shampoo for my hair
and...
‘DOG-FACED’ JEAN
I don’t give a damn about your hair!
I ought to cut it!
(APPROACHES ELAINE)
Maybe that’s what I’m gonna
do.
Elaine swallows at the sight
of herself bold.
‘DOG-FACED’ JEAN
Did you even bothered to ask me for that
shampoo?
Elaine
Er... no. But... hum... since this isn’t
your shampoo, I figured...
‘DOG-FACED’ JEAN
You figured? Who are you? Dr. Watson?
elaine
Actually, Dr. Watson didn’t...
‘DOG-FACED’ JEAN
Shut up! I hate detectives! They’re
too damn smart! And I also hate people that go around claiming other people’s stuff too! Now, listen very careful, cuz
I’m only gonna say this once, you hear me?
Elaine nods.
‘DOG-FACED’ JEAN (cont’d)
Everything in this place, everything, belongs
to me! So if I ever caught you again messing around with my stuff I promise you
I won’t be so nice as I am being now!
(PUSHES ELAINE AGAINST THE WALL)
Got that?
Elaine
(CLEARLY FRIGHTNED)
Yup. Sure.
‘DOG-FACED’ JEAN LEAVES.
Int. Prison cafeteria. Day.
Jerry and george are sitting on a table eating. One of the prisoners is tossing leftovers
at George’s back. He acts cool, trying hard not to lose his temper.
George
See, what I don’t understand is why going through all the trouble?
Jerry
I told you I don’t know. That part I said about Kramer being an excuse for them to rest can
be just speculation.
George
Well, you can never tell when he’s involved.
GEORGE IS HIT AGAIN.
GEORGE
Someone is trying to cause a riot here.
JERRY
Don’t mind him.
One of the leftovers hits george right in the middle of the head. He loses his temper,
gets up and sees an old friend.
(Remember that prisoner that George mocked about a TIMES magazine a few years ago?
We saw him at THE AIRPORT episode.)
George turns, his face is pale.
George
Oh my god! Oh my god!
Jerry
What? You know him?
George
Do I know him? We were locked up in the same bathroom!
Jerry
I guess you know each other pretty well, then.
George
I can’t believe this is happening. I keep asking myself that same question. What have I done?
Jerry
You did nothing. None of us did. That’s why we’re here. Because we didn’t do anything.
George
I had such a wonderful life outside...
From jerry’s POV we see the ‘TIMES’ PRISoner getting up and walking
towards george.
Jerry
Oh oh.
George
Oh oh?
Jerry
He’s coming this way.
George
Oh my god!
Jerry
Don’t worry. Just act cool.
George
He’s gonna kill me!
Jerry
He’s not gonna kill you. At least not here.
George
Why not? What’s can they do? Arrest him?
JERRY
That’s a good point. Are you suggesting that I should never leave this table?
Jerry
Well, I prefer a seat closer to the window, but if you’re kind enough to save me a spot here,
be my guest.
The ‘times’ prisoner sits right next to george and taps him on the shoulder.
‘TIMES’ prisoner
Hya dork.
George
H...h...hey.
‘TIMES’ PRISONER
Whatsa matter? You scared of somethin’?
George
Who? Me? I laugh at the face of fear!
‘TIMES’ PRISONER
Boo!
George
Please don’t kill me! Please don’t kill me!
‘TIMES’ PRISONER
(LAUGHS)
You are a dork, jackass.
The ‘TIMES’ PRISONER gets up and leaves.
Jerry
That’s the best sign of bravery I have ever seen.
One of the guards approaches the table and speaks to jerry.
Guard #1
You have a phone call waiting.
Jerry
A phone call?
Guard #1
Yeah, come on.
The guard leads jerry out of the cafetaria.
Int. Corridor. Day.
The guard takes jerry to a phone attached to a wall. The phone is ringing. Jerry
picks it up.
Jerry
Hello. Who is this?
Newman (V. O.)
Hello... Jerry.
Jerry
Hello... Newman. What d’you want?
Newman
Me? Oh nothing. Just called to tell you the great news.
Jerry
What news?
Int. Jerry’s apartment. Day
Newman is lying on jerry’s couch.
Newman
Well... you see, let me put it this way: I’m staying at your apartment.
Jerry (V. O.)
What d’you mean, you’re staying at my apartment?
Int. Corridor. Day
Newman (V. O.)
I mean, your house belongs to me now.
Jerry
You weasel! You’ll see what will happen once I put my hands on you!
Newman
(laughs in his own evil way)
So long, Jerry! Bye bye!
Jerry
You can’t do this! Newman!
We hear a click from the other side and the phone goes dead.
Jerry (cont’d)
Newman!
Int. Prison cafeteria. Day
Jerry returns to the table.
George has now finished his meal and is calmer than before. In fact, Jerry is now the opposite of George.
George
Who was it?
Jerry
You are not gonna believe this.
George
Try me.
Jerry
Newman called me.
George
I’m believing it so far. What for?
Jerry
He wanted to let me know that he’s
staying at my place.
George
How come?
Jerry
How come what?
GEORGE
How did he get there?
JERRY
I have no idea.
George
Why didn’t you ask him?
Kramer enters the cafeteria
and joins jerry and george.
Jerry (cont’d)
I tried to but he hang up.
Kramer
Who?
Jerry
Newman.
Kramer
He’s still staying at your place,
right?
Jerry
Yes.
KRAMER
I figured.
Jerry (cont’d)
Wait a second! Wait a second! How do you
know that?
Kramer
Er... well, when we were on trial, he asked
me if he could stay at my apartment while I was away...
Jerry
And you told him what?
Kramer
Well, I told him no. But I said that he
could use your apartment.
Jerry
What?! You told Newman he could use my apartment?!
Kramer
I thought that since you would be here it
wouldn’t make any difference.
Jerry
So why didn’t you let him use your
apartment instead?
KRAMER
Are you kidding? I would never feel comfortable
knowing that Newman is sleeping on my bed.
Jerry
And you thought I would?
George
What about that infirmary thing, Kramer?
What were you doing there, anyway?
Kramer
Group therapy.
Jerry
Were you in it?
KRAMER
Yes. I was the choreographer.
George
Don’t you mean coordinator?
Kramer
It’s nearly the same.
(To JERRY)
Hey, guess who I saw there?
Jerry
I don’t know but I have a feeling
you’re about to tell me.
Kramer
Joe Davola.
Jerry
What? Davola? Here?
George
Did he see you?
Kramer
I don’t think so.
Jerry
You don’t think so? We’re talking
about a psychotic, remember?
Kramer
I’m not sure.
Jerry
You’re not sure that he is a psychotic?
KRAMER
No. I’m not sure that he didn’t
see me.
JERRy
Make up your mind. Is that a ‘yes’
or a ‘no’?
George
I hope it’s a ‘no’.
Kramer
All I know is that he was arrested for violent
before.
Jerry
That doesn’t surprise me.
Kramer (cont’d)
I think he’s being transferred to
this block once he gets out of the infirmary.
Jerry
Alright! That’s it! I’m not
staying here any longer. Tonight, I’m going out.
George
What’re you talking about? We’re
getting released two months from now.
(TO KRAMER)
How long is Davola gonna stay at the infirmary?
Kramer
I heard the doctor say at least two months.
George
(To jerrY)
Probably, by the time he comes here, we’ll
be out there.
Jerry
What if he recovers earlier? What if they
decide to put him on the cell next to mine? Can you imagine what that would feel like?
George
I rather not, especially considering that
we’re cell mates.
Jerry
That’s my point.
George
I think you should try the escape. It’s
more safe.
Jerry
You’re coming too?
George
I’m gonna wait for my turn.
Jerry
What about you?
Kramer
I’m out, Jerry. You do what you have
to do but, keep me out. I wanna do my time.
Jerry
Okay! You stay here if you want to but tonight
I’m going out.
‘TIMES’ prisoner
(O.S.)
Mind if I you’re your little expedition?
Jerry
Er... not really.
‘TIMES’ PRISONER
Good. You’re coming too, dork?
George
I... I...
‘TIMES’ PRISONER
What? You don’t like my company?
George
Er...
Kramer
(gets up)
Listen pal, why don’t you pick someone
your size?
‘TIMES’ PRISONER
You wanna fight?
Kramer
Oh no. Not me.
(points to jerry)
But I won’t mind if you fight him.
He’s right your size.
Jerry
Kramer! What’re you doing?
Kramer
Relax.
The fight seems inevitable
but once again Jerry is safe thanks to his guardian angel (or should we call it angelic guard?) that breaks the fight.
Guard #1
Break it out you two!
The ‘TIMES’ PRISONER
walks away.
‘TIMES’ PRISONER
Don’t forget about tonight!
Jerry
(more worried
than ever)
What should I do? Newman is staying at my
place, that’s a good reason to escape. Davola is about to become my next cell neighbor, that’s another good reason
to escape. But, on the other hand, I’ve got a bathroom fanatical who wants to escape with me and who’s just waiting
for the right time to stalk me in a dark tunnel.
Kramer
I think you should think about it carefully,
buddy.
Int. Cell. Night
George is lying on his bed.
jerry is wandering around the cell.
jerry
i have to get out of here.
George
Forget it.
Jerry
I can’t.
George
Jerry...
(long beat,
puts his hands on Jerry’s shoulder)
Let go.
Jerry
I can’t do it! I can’t! Don’t
you see?! I have nightmares about this! Every time I close my eyes I see Newman sitting on my couch, using my bathroom!
George
(puzzled)
You see what?
Jerry
Well... I don’t exactly see him using
the bathroom. I simply imagine him getting out of there so I assume that...
A guard passes by. Jerry
runs to the door and grabs the bars.
Jerry (cont’d)
Let me out! Please!
Guard
(hits the bars with
his baton)
Shut up!
Jerry puts himself back together
and sits on his bed.
Jerry
It’s no use. Might as well ask someone
to do me a special treatment.
(BEAT)
Do you know anyone interested?
George gets up and approaches
the cell door.
George
I know plenty of people interested in you.
But I think that I should suggest you a different alternative. Come here for a second.
Jerry
(joins george)
What is it?
George
(points to the locker)
See this?
Jerry
It’s a locker. So what?
George
Not just any locker. Recognize the pattern?
Jerry
(looks closer)
Wait a second! That looks like a...
george
A Clapgo, Jerry! It’s a Clapgo!
Jerry
(looks even closer)
But it’s not a D29, it’s a different
model. Much more sophisticated.
George
(radiant)
Isn’t it great?
Jerry
Yes it is. What’s keeping us here?
We’re only locked with the most impenetrable locker in the whole world. All we have to do is wait for someone to open
the door!
George
(losing his spirit)
Right...
Jerry returns to his bed
and falls asleep.
Ext. Courtyard. Day
Jerry, george are set against
a wall. Kramer and elaine show up.
Jerry
Hi Elaine.
ELAINE
Hi guys.
GEORGE
Hi.
Kramer
What’s up?
Jerry
Your hair looks awful.
Elaine
I know. I haven’t washed it for days.
Jerry
How come?
Elaine
It’s this woman! She’s a real
nightmare! She won’t let me near anything! She takes everything away!
Kramer
Who is she?
Elaine
They call her ‘Dog-Faced’ Jean.
I think her real name is Jean Tomilli.
Kramer
Jean Tomilli? Does she have a scar on her left cheek?
Elaine
Yeah. You know her?
Kramer
She was my neighbor when I was a kid. Last
time I saw I was fourteen. She was running away from home.
Elaine
You two were friends?
Kramer
Sort of.
Elaine
Do you think you can talk her and get me
some shampoo?
Kramer
I’ll try.
Elaine
Oh! Thank you! Thank you! Thank you!
George
What about your little plan? Have you thought
of anything?
Jerry
As a matter of fact I have.
Elaine
What’re you talking about?
George
Jerry is planning to make an escape tonight.
Elaine
Why?
Jerry
Newman is staying at my apartment. Davola
is here. What do I have to loose?
Elaine
Since you put it that way...
George
So what’s the plan?
Jerry
One of the guards is going to help me.
George
What?
Jerry
He told me that he listened to our conversation
and he wants to help me.
George
Why?
Jerry
He believes we’re innocent.
Kramer
So why is he only helping you?
Jerry
You were the ones that told me that you
wanted to stay here, remember?
Kramer
You don’t have to listen everything
I say.
Jerry
But I never do that.
George
What’s he gonna do?
Jerry
Well, tonight at two a. m. he’s gonna
open my cell door and let me out.
Kramer
That’s it?
Jerry
Well, I’m not expecting him to drive
me home.
INT. JACKIE’S OFFICE. DAY
JACKIE is on the phone.
Jackie
Really? He wants to drop charges now? They’re leaving the prison in two months. Right. I’m
just saying he could have thought of that later. Right. You too.
(hangs up)
Just what we needed...
Int. dark tunnel. Night
Jerry is in the middle of
the tunnel. He uses a small flashlight to see his path. Suddenly, someone touches him on the shoulder. Jerry turns around
to see the ‘TIMES’ Prisoner standing behind him.
‘Times’ prisoner
You’re going somewhere?
Jerry
How the hell did you get here?
‘Times’ prisoner
You’re not the only one who has friends
here.
Jerry
Let’s go then. I want to be out of
here soon.
‘times’ prisoner
Can I stay at your place?
Jerry
(to himself)
Well, in the actual circumstances that’s
something I should consider.
‘TIMES’ PRISONER
What?
Jerry and the ‘TIMES’
PRISONER are on their way towards freedom. After a while, jerry’s flashlight goes dead. We hear a scream and everything
becomes silent.
Jerry manages to turn on
the flashlight again and realizes that the ‘TIMES’ PRISONER is gone.
Jerry looks around him. The
words panic and fear written all over his face.
JERRY sees the futility of
his escape and runs back to his cell.
Int. cell corridor. Night
Jerry is trying desperately
to open his cell door.
Jerry
(screams softly)
George!
No answer.
Jerry
(screams softly)
George!
George
(awakes)
What? What?
(sees Jerry)
What happened?
Jerry
I gave up the escape.
George
(gets up and
goes to the cell door)
Why?
Jerry
I don’t have time to explain. Hurry
up!
George
Hurry up what?
Jerry
Open the door, you idiot!
George
If I could open the door to let you in,
don’t you think I’d already open it to get out? Why don’t you ask your friend guard?
Jerry
I can’t! He went through a lot of
trouble to help me. I can’t disappoint him.
George
Too late for that.
Jerry
What I’m going to do?
George
Jerry, it’s 3 o’clock in the
morning. Let me get some sleep.
Jerry
Alright...
Jerry sits against the cell
door.
INT. Cells Corridor.
Day
He hear a siren going on.
Jerry is still awake. The
weight of sleepless hours is clear on his face.
The siren stops.
The guard #1 enters the corridor.
Jerry knows that is it.
The guard sees jerry and
goes to him.
Guard #1
What’re you doing out here?
Jerry
That’s what I like to know. Frankly,
I’m very disappointed with this prison security. I went to bed last night, I slept like a baby and when I woke up, here
I was – outside my cell. I sure hope you have some explanation for this.
Guard #1
At least, you’re saving me some time.
Jerry
Saving some time for what?
Guard #1
(unlocks George’s
cell door)
Hey you! Come on out!
George awakes and walks to
the door. He sees jerry and the guard.
George
I don’t know anything about it!
Guard #1
About what?
George
Uh...
(sees Jerry behind
the guard mimicking ‘No’)
Er... Nothing.
Guard #1
All right. Let’s go you two.
Jerry, George and the guard
move on through the corridor.
George
Where are we going?
Guard #1
From what I’ve heard, your lawyer
called last night. He said that some fat guy wanted to drop charges.
Jerry
What? Why?
George
Maybe he realized his mistake.
Guard #1
I thinks that the four of you already got
your lesson.
Jerry
Nice fellow.
A prisoner screams off-screen.
Prisoner (o.s.)
Bye bye baldy!
Jerry
See? You’ve just made a friend for
lifetime.
guard
Let’s just hope that it is his lifetime
and not yours.
George
How come?
Guard
That guy is going to be executed tomorrow.
George
Too bad for him.
Ext. prison gate. Day
The group is lead by the guard to freedom.
They’re wearing their normal
clothes now.
Jerry
So, thanks for everything. I had a great time. I’m
sorry to leave so soon but...
Guard #1
(burst into tears and hugs
Jerry)
I’m gonna miss you! You tell great jokes!
Jerry
(unsure of what to say or
do)
Thank you.
The door opens. A white light blinds them.
By the time they got their vision back, they see the outside world for the first time since a very long time.
They exit the prison in synchronized steps.
They stop a few steps away from the door.
Jerry
(breathes deeply)
Freedom!
George
Freedom!
Elaine
Freedom!
Kramer
Let’s get something to eat.
The moment is broken.
Jerry
All right. Let’s get a cab.
The group begins to walk alongside the
road.
Suddenly, someone yells out from the other
side of the road.
At the same time, Kramer signals for a
cab to stop.
They look to the other side and see their
fat releaser waving to them.
They wave back.
Suddenly, another car stops by the fat
man and again he is assaulted.
They enter the cab as the assailants car
leaves the crime scene.
We see the group waving from the rear
window.
Int. men’s bathroom. Day.
The missing ‘TIMES’ prisoner is here. He is half naked, his hair is a
disgrace and his eyes are wide open.
We notice two figures approaching him.
‘DOG-FACED’ JEAN
Are you ready for another one?
The ‘times’ prisoner screams, a scream of pure terror. His facial expression
is now a copy of George’s when he caught him on the airplane bathroom.
Int. comedy club. Night
Jerry is making one of his
performances. We see George, Elaine and Kramer sitting on a table.
Jerry
One of the things that confuses me the most
is when a criminal is sent to the death-row. Now, if he gets the chair that’s pretty much it. He sits there. Zap! And
he’s gone. But, when he’s supposed to get that injection, did you ever notice how doctors seem very careful with
the needles, making sure everything is clean? I mean, they’re about to inject some lethal poison on him and they’re
worried about germs?
‘Yes, it’s a procedure. We make
sure everything is secure. We don’t want anything to happen to him. At least, not before we kill him, anyway.’
THE END
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